January 15, 2010

Dear ones,

It has been awhile since I last wrote to you my chemotherapy and radiation regimen began this week and will continue for the next seven. Thank you for walking down this path with me through your prayers and thoughtful acts of kindness to both Janice and I.

They had to fit me with a mask to hold my head still while the radiation does its job. It's very confining and it makes me feel a little like the man in the iron mask. They place it over my face and then snap it into place. My eyes are shut and I have to struggle to not get claustrophobic. I breathe through my nose as my mouth is shut.

The way I've gotten through it for the first three days so far has been through thinking through some of the Scripture passages like Phil 1:19-24, Psalm 139 7-18 and Psalm 27:1-3. It only takes 10 minutes and the girls who works there are very kind to me.

The Lord has been bringing to mind several passages of Scripture that seem to fit together. Paul in Phil 4:12 says be learned the secret of contentment. It's the secret we all want to know and the question during this time in my life when I didn't know whether I would live or die or be paralyzed or mobile. How do I get to the place you are with God without the trial?

Paul had learned the secret so no matter whether he had abundance or little he was content. Jesus came that we might have life yes even life abundantly but we tend to think in terms of material abundance or physical abundance but I think what he meant went far deeper; deeper to the secret place that Paul knew, contentment whatever the circumstance.

I am still trying to unpack what I believe God wants me to understand whether I am under a constrictive mask or not whether I have the assurance of another day or not, I have to learn this secret. I'll keep you posted.

Until then...

Your brother and friend,
Tim