December 9, 2009

Good morning friends! I sit here loving each of you more than I ever imagined or experienced in my past. The mercy and beauty of God and the Body of Christ is stunning. It's true! I've been allowed such tender and yet severe mercy at this time in life to witness something quite unique that humans rarely get a chance to experience. I cannot say why I've been given this moment except that God loves me. Amazing.

This morning I weighed myself after showering and tipped the scales at 175 lbs. I've lost 26 lbs since November 2, 2009. I see both my outer man and inner man transforming before my eyes. I see my life peeling through transitions of who I've been through the years back to the years when I stood with innocence as little boy all alone in the Catholic church on cold winter mornings waiting with votive candles blazing and illuminating the room to attend to the Lord. The simplicity is so refreshing and good. During this moment in time, possessing the ability or skill to manage anything but to sit here and thank my God for his beauty and nearness.

My life has become a study in contrasts. I went partially blind as my blood sugar elevated during the early stage of this journey and could not see distance, a picture into my soul. As God helped me the sight was restored as the bad stuff purged from my system. I am this morning reminded of John Newton's "Amazing Grace", once I was blind but now I see.

My only concern is that in absence of trial that this free flow of Heavens joy will stop. May it never be for whatever years I have. I don't want Gods hand nearly as much as I want Him.
Last night, my youngest love and daughter Stacy snuggled in beside me with a cup of hot cocoa to watch a movie, "the Christmas Wish". The theme of the movie was of man who was caught up in building his business while setting aside truly important things, a problem common to me in a previous lifetime, 2 weeks ago. I no longer want to manage my projects but only my Fathers business. With all my strength and time given me on the other side of this I will operate in this resolve. I want to tell the glorious story of Jesus and his great love that people may taste as I have and see that the Lord is good and that in Him is goodness, joy and meaning that the world will never understand.

One last precious story. Standing in a line yesterday at Target, I observed a harried young mother with two very active 5 year old scampering around her. She just stood behind her cart with her head in her hand, bone tired. As the moment was awkward I just watched and had compassion for this young girl. As we made our way to our car I saw her once again, now alone, putting the kids in their car seats. I slowly walked to her and said, "ma'am I saw you in the store, you look tired, may I pray for you?". She looked at me with tired, weary eyes and said "Would you?" as I prayed a fresh wind of heaven to blow across her, I reflected upon how many weary and burdened people I've seen in my life but never really seen and what Jesus sees waiting for me to simply respond with His hand outstretched to them.

Once I was blind but now I see.

I love each of you dear friends.

Your brother,
Tim