December 8, 2009

Dear ones,

I scarcely know where to begin as God's heart has been pouring into me faster and deeper than I can keep up. I'm not sure what pieces are for me alone or for others. All through the night two words raced through my brain, humility and obedience. When I awoke this morning, I went into Janice to tell her how much I love her she said good morning sweetheart and told me she was still sleepy I said that's alright, I have work to do and I realized that my work was waiting for me before the throne of God just through my bedroom door. The physical uncertainty of the future sits beside the certainty of God's purposes for my life.

I'm learning a lot through our little dog Abbey. This morning when I let her out of her room I asked her if she wanted to eat. She just looked at me and I told her that I was going to give her food anyway. God is doing the same with me, He's feeding me whether I was ready or not, and the food is so good.

The tumor or wherever it is in reality has been my opportunity. Never before in my life have I experienced such a flood of love from God, it's overwhelming. His word leaps off the page with deep meaning. I wept this morning over Jesus conversation with the woman at the well who had been drinking water all her life that never satisfied her and yet Jesus said I've got some water that you don't know that I'd like to quench your deeper thirst in your soul. If you drink it you'll never thirst again and it will spring up in you wells of Living water. My tears came because of all the pointless unsatisfying water that I've consumed over my life that never satisfied and yet Jesus was holding out the cup if I would take it that I am drinking from today. It was always there and I was to busy to take it from his hand. No more. By God's grace and power I'll drink of it from this day forward as God gives me life and breath. I feel like Jimmy Stewart in "It's a Wonderful Life" not saying "please God let me live" because I don't care, my confidence is in the beauty of His sovereign care. But my cry is "thank you father for the revelation of your beauty and the opportunity now that you've given me whether in life, death or whatever new beautiful circumstances or changes I find myself in. Everything has changed, I'm alive from the inside out! I love you all so much. I'm exploding!

Your friend and brother,
Tim