December 13, 2009 (1:44am)

"The Sum"

Thoughts are coming fast now. It seems somehow appropriate my clock reads 11.59 pm (Saturday) as I sit in the rejoicing chair with only my fire, the companionable light from my phone and the Christmas tree blazing as the only lights illuminating the room. The music streaming through the headphones shouts, "Jesus you are good, You are good and I will shout it from the rooftops, I was blind but now I see and your love will go forever." The Sum.

At the end of it all, time, space, everything known and unknown, the midnight hour, stands Jesus and the whole earth is full of His glory, to join with the angels in the song of heaven to Him. It's where it ends, the summing up of everything, the blazing Tree of Life from which flows life from the very foundations of eternity.

My life, it appears has always been pointed in this direction, for this moment in time, always, and I was mostly unaware. His song was being sung around me always but only occasionally listening and dancing or echoing it's glorious strains through my voice to a thirsty world. Why has it taken me so long? Why at 54, has he chosen to reveal it to me at this moment in time, in this way? Why has He given me this particular access to heaven's throne room? I think it's because...He Just Loves Me and Everyone who will dance to the song of Heaven. He wants me to know. He wants everyone to know; to break through the crusty shell of our brokenness and woundedness; to redeem lives being wasted by the lies, thirst and emptiness of wandering in the desert.
Lives which have been promised riches only to find poverty. Instead, in their place, stands the glorious promise of Jesus the Redeemer. “The Sum.”

Slower words come now.

Yesterday, as the day drew to close, I sat along with my children and grandchildren around the fire listening to Kaitlyn play her newly discovered clarinet, eating pistachios and singing Christmas carols. Life.

(Faster now, The music of the moment says "I will Declare the beauty of the Lord, nothing compares to the beauty of the Lord, Jesus You take my breath away, now I'm living for the beauty of the lord.)

This is my quest, my life, my future.

My life has suddenly, in a moment, become simple. Love God with all my heart, soul, mind and strength and love people. Sharp contrast to the former way of life.

I've been given by His grace a great second chance, a do over.

It was never a tumor it was an opportunity, the redemption of a man's life...mine.

I am seizing the opportunity with all my heart and all the passion God will pour out on my life and whatever moments He allows according to His gracious plan. I will shout it from the rooftops, in whatever forum small or large He wants.

Today is the end of something and the beginning of something far, far better. I don't see it with clarity but I don't need to because I know that He knows. I am safe in His arms, healed and confident. Any man, woman or young person so prepared becomes an unstoppable force on behalf of Heaven.

In a few hours, my family will do something we've never done. Something simple and good. For almost 30 years I have been at my place at church where I've found love, beauty, acceptance and purpose. Today instead we will feast at the Blue Mesa Grill for brunch to celebrate the goodness of the Lord and this blessed miracle He has allowed me to have a front row seat to witness and to be an active participant. Afterwards we will dance and stroll and play together in the Botanic Gardens in Fort Worth , arm in arm just living, enjoying the newness of life given me, overflowing to them and beyond. I'm smiling.

Amazing. Joy unrestrained. Beauty.

Lead On Majestic One, I will Follow.

Your friend and brother,
Tim