Dear Ones,
It's 2:50 am and I'm at the threshhold of re-engageing the gears of my life. One of the biggest frustrations has been not being able to be around people, either because of my compromised immunity or the inabilty to communicate verbally. BUT, last week I finished my radiation, last nighit I was free of the chemo drugs that were both helping as well as hurting my body and I'm looking forward to being with my friends at church in a few hours where Ill begin to proclaim what the Lord has been teaching me over the last 4 motnhs. I just want to smile and be back.
I was lying in bed this am reflecting upon you and I being God's wheelbarrows and was reminded of 2 Timothy 2:2;
"The things which you have heard from me in the presence of many witnesses, entrust these to faithful men who will be able to teach others also."
This glorious directive is such a privilege the carry out in these days. To share the true love of our Father to a lost and dying world through both our words and how we live before men.
See many of you in a few hours! Life!
Love,
Tim
About Me
- Your friend and brother, Tim
- I'm married to Janice, who in my opinion, is the most wonderful woman in the world. God has given me 2 strong ,spiritual, mature daughters, 2 sons that love both God and them and 4 awesome granddaughters.
Sunday, February 28, 2010
Friday, February 26, 2010
I'm sittting in my study waiting for my dear friend Scott Jones to transport me to Dallas for my last radiation treatment.
It's been quite a journey and yet revealing in many ways. I've worn a mask to keep my head immovable for the past 33 days during the treatments and I will take it with me today as I leave. I'ts been a love/hate relationship with it, sometimes recieving comfort from it as I recite Scriptures I've memorized, while sometimes I've wanted to throw it as far away as I can.
I think at some point I'll paint it black, and hang it in my office along with the Scripture from Romans 8:37, "In all these things we overwhelmingly conquer through Him who loved us."
I'll be back at my post at church this Sunday morning a new man. See you then!
Love,
Tim
It's been quite a journey and yet revealing in many ways. I've worn a mask to keep my head immovable for the past 33 days during the treatments and I will take it with me today as I leave. I'ts been a love/hate relationship with it, sometimes recieving comfort from it as I recite Scriptures I've memorized, while sometimes I've wanted to throw it as far away as I can.
I think at some point I'll paint it black, and hang it in my office along with the Scripture from Romans 8:37, "In all these things we overwhelmingly conquer through Him who loved us."
I'll be back at my post at church this Sunday morning a new man. See you then!
Love,
Tim
Monday, February 22, 2010
MRI Update
Message from Carol Weideman...
I just go back a little while ago from Tim’s MRI and the results were great! He has a pseudo-growth, which means it is not a tumor, only swelling. His strength and mobility have improved over the weekend from taking the steroids which confirms it as well. He will finish up his radiation this Friday and does not go back to the doctor until March 23rd. Keep the prayers lifted up. To God be the Glory!
Sunday, February 21, 2010
Saturday, February 20, 2010
Febraury 18, 2010
Dear friends and prayer warriors,
Tim and I wanted to update you and ask you to pray for us. Over the last several weeks Tim has had significant weakness on his right side, instability, difficulty walking without dragging his foot, etc. We mentioned this to the radiologist this week on our weekly visit. He was very concerned and ordered an MRI that same day. He showed the MRI results to the surgeon and they both felt there was obviously something near his motor skill area that was new but still within the area that is being radiated. They said it is very rare (less than 5%) for a tumor to progress or grow during treatment but that it was possible, and they both were leaning toward the conclusion that it was tumor growth. If that is true, it is very bad news. This was about 10:00am Wednesday morning. We notified the staff and elders and immediately they began praying.
Around 4:00pm, the oncologist saw the report and called us at home. She was not willing to concede at this point to the other doctor’s conclusion and believes that it is more likely trauma, debris and swelling from the radiation treatment. She is ordering a different type of research MRI scan that takes different types of images and may give us more insight. She didn't know if it would give us a definite answer, but it would be helpful to compare to future scans. She is hoping to get that scheduled later this week or the first part of next week. She also started him on steroids that will reduce swelling, if that is the problem. If he shows remarkable improvement in his motor skills in the next few days, that will be a good sign. The three doctors (surgeon, radiologist and oncologist) will be meeting on Friday to discuss his case and future treatment plans. Please pray for the Lord to reveal the truth of the situation.
Obviously Wednesday was an emotional day. We were encouraged by the oncologist’s remarks, but we want to be even more encouraged that God will hear our pleas for healing and that He will rise up with healing in His wings and reach down and touch His servant and bring about complete restoration and long life to Tim. This is not just a physical battle to be fought with medicine and science, it is a spiritual battle that needs to be fought with fervent and believing prayer. Please stand with our family, believing God for a miracle.
From my heart to yours, I am not ready to lose my husband, and more than that I am trusting that God has a work for Tim to further His kingdom. I asked the Lord to show me something from Him this morning to let me know how to pray, what to believe about this situation. As a result of that prayer, Amy and I were lead to Isaiah 38: 4-6, “Then the word of the LORD came to Isaiah: 5 "Go and tell Hezekiah, 'This is what the LORD, the God of your father David, says: I have heard your prayer and seen your tears; I will add fifteen years to your life. 6 And I will deliver you and this city from the hand of the king of Assyria. I will defend this city.” When I saw that this included not only Tim’s life, but his life calling to bring Jesus to the city through ArlingtonAnswers.com. Then Amy was reading Psalms 112 and shared it with me. As she did I recalled a time before when I asked the Lord for confirmation about my dad when he was facing a life threatening surgery and the Lord lead me to this Psalms passage. The combination of these two passages was confirmation. I knew it was from the Lord and rejoiced with great hope!
Thank you for your love for us and your willingness to pray on our behalf. At this point we have not talked to our granddaughters (Kaitlyn 13 and Analiese 8) but plan to visit with them this weekend so please don't say anything to them if you should see them at church. Please understand that if I don't reply to all emails that it isn't because we don't appreciate your love and prayers. We covet them! The kids are here a lot and the daily trips to Dallas cut our days short and I just want to spend as much time with Tim as possible.
We love you all dearly,
Janice
Tim and I wanted to update you and ask you to pray for us. Over the last several weeks Tim has had significant weakness on his right side, instability, difficulty walking without dragging his foot, etc. We mentioned this to the radiologist this week on our weekly visit. He was very concerned and ordered an MRI that same day. He showed the MRI results to the surgeon and they both felt there was obviously something near his motor skill area that was new but still within the area that is being radiated. They said it is very rare (less than 5%) for a tumor to progress or grow during treatment but that it was possible, and they both were leaning toward the conclusion that it was tumor growth. If that is true, it is very bad news. This was about 10:00am Wednesday morning. We notified the staff and elders and immediately they began praying.
Around 4:00pm, the oncologist saw the report and called us at home. She was not willing to concede at this point to the other doctor’s conclusion and believes that it is more likely trauma, debris and swelling from the radiation treatment. She is ordering a different type of research MRI scan that takes different types of images and may give us more insight. She didn't know if it would give us a definite answer, but it would be helpful to compare to future scans. She is hoping to get that scheduled later this week or the first part of next week. She also started him on steroids that will reduce swelling, if that is the problem. If he shows remarkable improvement in his motor skills in the next few days, that will be a good sign. The three doctors (surgeon, radiologist and oncologist) will be meeting on Friday to discuss his case and future treatment plans. Please pray for the Lord to reveal the truth of the situation.
Obviously Wednesday was an emotional day. We were encouraged by the oncologist’s remarks, but we want to be even more encouraged that God will hear our pleas for healing and that He will rise up with healing in His wings and reach down and touch His servant and bring about complete restoration and long life to Tim. This is not just a physical battle to be fought with medicine and science, it is a spiritual battle that needs to be fought with fervent and believing prayer. Please stand with our family, believing God for a miracle.
From my heart to yours, I am not ready to lose my husband, and more than that I am trusting that God has a work for Tim to further His kingdom. I asked the Lord to show me something from Him this morning to let me know how to pray, what to believe about this situation. As a result of that prayer, Amy and I were lead to Isaiah 38: 4-6, “Then the word of the LORD came to Isaiah: 5 "Go and tell Hezekiah, 'This is what the LORD, the God of your father David, says: I have heard your prayer and seen your tears; I will add fifteen years to your life. 6 And I will deliver you and this city from the hand of the king of Assyria. I will defend this city.” When I saw that this included not only Tim’s life, but his life calling to bring Jesus to the city through ArlingtonAnswers.com. Then Amy was reading Psalms 112 and shared it with me. As she did I recalled a time before when I asked the Lord for confirmation about my dad when he was facing a life threatening surgery and the Lord lead me to this Psalms passage. The combination of these two passages was confirmation. I knew it was from the Lord and rejoiced with great hope!
Thank you for your love for us and your willingness to pray on our behalf. At this point we have not talked to our granddaughters (Kaitlyn 13 and Analiese 8) but plan to visit with them this weekend so please don't say anything to them if you should see them at church. Please understand that if I don't reply to all emails that it isn't because we don't appreciate your love and prayers. We covet them! The kids are here a lot and the daily trips to Dallas cut our days short and I just want to spend as much time with Tim as possible.
We love you all dearly,
Janice
February 3, 2010
Its 7:37 in the morning as I sit alone in my study, not really alone as God is here beside me. This morning marks the halfway point in my radiation treatments in Dallas. There have been many privileges of having the treatments. I get to spend one on one time with my friends who drive me, getting to know and bless the technicians, nurses and doctors who I see every day and the chance to reflect on my new normal.
As I spend time with the Lord this morning going back over the Scriptures that have meant so much to me. Perhaps I have said these things before, I don't remember, but it strikes me as unique again this morning the correlation between contentment in life and proactively and continually setting the Lord before me.
It's the secret that Paul speaks about in Philippians. In His presence there is fullness of joy according to Psalm 16. If there is fullness of joy in His presence how can I not be content if I am in His presence? The trick is how do I get there and stay there. I have my part and then there's God's part. I am to set the Lord before me continually, to seek Him with all my heart, soul, mind and strength. His part is to be found and to show me the path of life.
I find myself moving in and out of His manifest presence, but I'm trying to find Him moment by moment.
Your brother and friend,
Tim
As I spend time with the Lord this morning going back over the Scriptures that have meant so much to me. Perhaps I have said these things before, I don't remember, but it strikes me as unique again this morning the correlation between contentment in life and proactively and continually setting the Lord before me.
It's the secret that Paul speaks about in Philippians. In His presence there is fullness of joy according to Psalm 16. If there is fullness of joy in His presence how can I not be content if I am in His presence? The trick is how do I get there and stay there. I have my part and then there's God's part. I am to set the Lord before me continually, to seek Him with all my heart, soul, mind and strength. His part is to be found and to show me the path of life.
I find myself moving in and out of His manifest presence, but I'm trying to find Him moment by moment.
Your brother and friend,
Tim
January 15, 2010
Dear ones,
It has been awhile since I last wrote to you my chemotherapy and radiation regimen began this week and will continue for the next seven. Thank you for walking down this path with me through your prayers and thoughtful acts of kindness to both Janice and I.
They had to fit me with a mask to hold my head still while the radiation does its job. It's very confining and it makes me feel a little like the man in the iron mask. They place it over my face and then snap it into place. My eyes are shut and I have to struggle to not get claustrophobic. I breathe through my nose as my mouth is shut.
The way I've gotten through it for the first three days so far has been through thinking through some of the Scripture passages like Phil 1:19-24, Psalm 139 7-18 and Psalm 27:1-3. It only takes 10 minutes and the girls who works there are very kind to me.
The Lord has been bringing to mind several passages of Scripture that seem to fit together. Paul in Phil 4:12 says be learned the secret of contentment. It's the secret we all want to know and the question during this time in my life when I didn't know whether I would live or die or be paralyzed or mobile. How do I get to the place you are with God without the trial?
Paul had learned the secret so no matter whether he had abundance or little he was content. Jesus came that we might have life yes even life abundantly but we tend to think in terms of material abundance or physical abundance but I think what he meant went far deeper; deeper to the secret place that Paul knew, contentment whatever the circumstance.
I am still trying to unpack what I believe God wants me to understand whether I am under a constrictive mask or not whether I have the assurance of another day or not, I have to learn this secret. I'll keep you posted.
Until then...
Your brother and friend,
Tim
It has been awhile since I last wrote to you my chemotherapy and radiation regimen began this week and will continue for the next seven. Thank you for walking down this path with me through your prayers and thoughtful acts of kindness to both Janice and I.
They had to fit me with a mask to hold my head still while the radiation does its job. It's very confining and it makes me feel a little like the man in the iron mask. They place it over my face and then snap it into place. My eyes are shut and I have to struggle to not get claustrophobic. I breathe through my nose as my mouth is shut.
The way I've gotten through it for the first three days so far has been through thinking through some of the Scripture passages like Phil 1:19-24, Psalm 139 7-18 and Psalm 27:1-3. It only takes 10 minutes and the girls who works there are very kind to me.
The Lord has been bringing to mind several passages of Scripture that seem to fit together. Paul in Phil 4:12 says be learned the secret of contentment. It's the secret we all want to know and the question during this time in my life when I didn't know whether I would live or die or be paralyzed or mobile. How do I get to the place you are with God without the trial?
Paul had learned the secret so no matter whether he had abundance or little he was content. Jesus came that we might have life yes even life abundantly but we tend to think in terms of material abundance or physical abundance but I think what he meant went far deeper; deeper to the secret place that Paul knew, contentment whatever the circumstance.
I am still trying to unpack what I believe God wants me to understand whether I am under a constrictive mask or not whether I have the assurance of another day or not, I have to learn this secret. I'll keep you posted.
Until then...
Your brother and friend,
Tim
December 31, 2009
Good morning dear friends!
I've been awake since 3:30 am sitting beside the tree listening to worship music and the prayer service for Janice and myself a few weeks ago. Awesome. Just thinking back on all the Father has brought about and shown me over the past 4 weeks is nothing short of a miracle in my life. It's given me new vision and clarity regarding what He wants from my life in the future. To bring Him glory and to proclaim his beauty and his great love for people through serving those around me. New power, new revelation day by day.
I start my chemotherapy and radiation regimen next week each day for 7 weeks. I'll lose my hair so when next you see me I'll look different but what you can see on the outside is just a glimpse of the profound difference that's taken place on the inside of me. Pray for me that I will never forget what God has done for me in these days and I will not shrink back from His mission for my life. Lead on King Jesus!
Your friend and brother,
Tim
I've been awake since 3:30 am sitting beside the tree listening to worship music and the prayer service for Janice and myself a few weeks ago. Awesome. Just thinking back on all the Father has brought about and shown me over the past 4 weeks is nothing short of a miracle in my life. It's given me new vision and clarity regarding what He wants from my life in the future. To bring Him glory and to proclaim his beauty and his great love for people through serving those around me. New power, new revelation day by day.
I start my chemotherapy and radiation regimen next week each day for 7 weeks. I'll lose my hair so when next you see me I'll look different but what you can see on the outside is just a glimpse of the profound difference that's taken place on the inside of me. Pray for me that I will never forget what God has done for me in these days and I will not shrink back from His mission for my life. Lead on King Jesus!
Your friend and brother,
Tim
December 29, 2009
It's 5:00 AM and I'm sitting beside the blazing Christmas tree a fire burning in the fireplace and the house is still, except for the voice of the Lord. I'm finding that the morning, for me, is the best time to seek Him. A pattern is developing slowly from the Lord receiving the answer to the inevitable question, "How do I find what you've found without going through what you've gone through?” I'm processing it through the Lord and it seems as though the answer is a person has to get still enough to let Him speak to their heart voluntarily or involuntarily and either way, they need to respond to Him by seeking Him, waiting on Him, listening to Him, responding to Him by pouring out Heavens salve when they have the opportunity during their everyday activities.
The key is to slow down your life enough to hear God's voice in the midst of chaos. Jesus did it amongst the chaos of his world leaving us a pattern for ours. He withdrew to be with his Father alone. That's where we hear him speak into our lives about his heart towards us and how he really feels about us, converting the lies the enemy of our souls has spoken to us over the past hours and tell us the truth. It's the time when we can just bask in the glow of Jesus presence and receive revelation for the day.
Fresh manna.
Today, we make trek back to UT Southwestern to meet with Elizabeth Maher my Neuro-oncologist to map out the next 7 weeks of my journey down this opportunity laden path. Pray for me that I will seize every moment to speak a good word for my King and be His ambassador. I pray for you that you will use my trials to further your journey deep into your Father's heart for your life!
Love, your friend and brother,
Tim
The key is to slow down your life enough to hear God's voice in the midst of chaos. Jesus did it amongst the chaos of his world leaving us a pattern for ours. He withdrew to be with his Father alone. That's where we hear him speak into our lives about his heart towards us and how he really feels about us, converting the lies the enemy of our souls has spoken to us over the past hours and tell us the truth. It's the time when we can just bask in the glow of Jesus presence and receive revelation for the day.
Fresh manna.
Today, we make trek back to UT Southwestern to meet with Elizabeth Maher my Neuro-oncologist to map out the next 7 weeks of my journey down this opportunity laden path. Pray for me that I will seize every moment to speak a good word for my King and be His ambassador. I pray for you that you will use my trials to further your journey deep into your Father's heart for your life!
Love, your friend and brother,
Tim
December 21, 2009 (4:47am)
Dear friends,
Good morning from my chair beside the blazing tree!
Well, it's really not just another day, this is day we'll find out just what lays before us and the path the tumor took to get to my brain. Somewhere, sometime, this thing started to grow unseen except by my Father and He knew and He wasn't nervous. He wrote the days ordained for me in His marvelous, mysterious book.
It's not false bravado that I can face the future without fear, but confidence in the great sovereignty of my King. All I have ever cared about over this time is His glory. My wife, Janice, daughters, Amy and Stacy, will travel to Zale Lipshy this morning to find out.
Transporting us will be Scott Jones, has been one of my incredible wingmen and one of those people whom I've come to see, on a human plane, as one who sticks closer than a brother.
I've seen and tasted that the Lord is good through you my friends. We've been overcome by your extravagant love poured over us.
Gift cards fill our basket in the kitchen counter, transportation every day for the next 7 weeks should it be necessary, lawn mowed, leaves blown, Christmas trees lit when I arrived home and in my room at the hospital, thank you from the bottom of my heart; Selma, ample food for my family at the hotel, cash for valet parking; my sweet neighbors, Sam and Karen, who brought me freshly cooked ribs and sang Christmas carols on the porch last night and the list goes on in countless ways.
I see it everyday down to my friend of many years, Debbie who loves life and me, taping the confetti in her cards of encouragement to me, rather than having them spill out as they used to, in a more mobile day. I am truly blessed by each of you and am in awe of our God, who's extravagant love pours out through His people. How lavish is the love the Father has for us.
I'm getting stronger every day and hope to rejoin you soon. In the meantime, have I told you lately that I love you? I do, and so does your Dad in heaven. Shout it from the rooftops. Let Him take you in His strong arms and tell you so.
Your friend and brother,
Tim
Good morning from my chair beside the blazing tree!
Well, it's really not just another day, this is day we'll find out just what lays before us and the path the tumor took to get to my brain. Somewhere, sometime, this thing started to grow unseen except by my Father and He knew and He wasn't nervous. He wrote the days ordained for me in His marvelous, mysterious book.
It's not false bravado that I can face the future without fear, but confidence in the great sovereignty of my King. All I have ever cared about over this time is His glory. My wife, Janice, daughters, Amy and Stacy, will travel to Zale Lipshy this morning to find out.
Transporting us will be Scott Jones, has been one of my incredible wingmen and one of those people whom I've come to see, on a human plane, as one who sticks closer than a brother.
I've seen and tasted that the Lord is good through you my friends. We've been overcome by your extravagant love poured over us.
Gift cards fill our basket in the kitchen counter, transportation every day for the next 7 weeks should it be necessary, lawn mowed, leaves blown, Christmas trees lit when I arrived home and in my room at the hospital, thank you from the bottom of my heart; Selma, ample food for my family at the hotel, cash for valet parking; my sweet neighbors, Sam and Karen, who brought me freshly cooked ribs and sang Christmas carols on the porch last night and the list goes on in countless ways.
I see it everyday down to my friend of many years, Debbie who loves life and me, taping the confetti in her cards of encouragement to me, rather than having them spill out as they used to, in a more mobile day. I am truly blessed by each of you and am in awe of our God, who's extravagant love pours out through His people. How lavish is the love the Father has for us.
I'm getting stronger every day and hope to rejoin you soon. In the meantime, have I told you lately that I love you? I do, and so does your Dad in heaven. Shout it from the rooftops. Let Him take you in His strong arms and tell you so.
Your friend and brother,
Tim
December 20, 2009
Dear ones,
I’m sitting in my rejoicing chair by the blazing Christmas tree this morning writing to you.
I was awakened this a.m. by God with the thought racing through my brain, “How precious are your thoughts unto me, how vast is the sum of them. If I should count them, they would out number the sand on the sea. When I awake I am still with you. Psalms 139:17-18” I realized just how many times and how many God thoughts go into a human’s life from conception to death with this pulsating, passionate, loving theme of redemption of the man.
I bought a chess set last night over the web, not an expensive one, but a nice one. It’s hand carved wood, sugar maple, walnut and boxwood. I can’t wait for it to arrive on my front porch! I think much can be learned from the game of chess. My sons, Trey and Robbie, are going to teach me how to play. All the way from the seating in a comfortable chair in a thoughtful position to the proper lighting, to the moves, speak to me about the manner in which life is carried forward before God.
And the moves! God always moves in deliberate, pre-planned moves to advance his children to bring Him maximum glory like the Ultimate Chess Master. I’m really looking forward to learning from the Master.
Your friend and brother,
Tim
I’m sitting in my rejoicing chair by the blazing Christmas tree this morning writing to you.
I was awakened this a.m. by God with the thought racing through my brain, “How precious are your thoughts unto me, how vast is the sum of them. If I should count them, they would out number the sand on the sea. When I awake I am still with you. Psalms 139:17-18” I realized just how many times and how many God thoughts go into a human’s life from conception to death with this pulsating, passionate, loving theme of redemption of the man.
I bought a chess set last night over the web, not an expensive one, but a nice one. It’s hand carved wood, sugar maple, walnut and boxwood. I can’t wait for it to arrive on my front porch! I think much can be learned from the game of chess. My sons, Trey and Robbie, are going to teach me how to play. All the way from the seating in a comfortable chair in a thoughtful position to the proper lighting, to the moves, speak to me about the manner in which life is carried forward before God.
And the moves! God always moves in deliberate, pre-planned moves to advance his children to bring Him maximum glory like the Ultimate Chess Master. I’m really looking forward to learning from the Master.
Your friend and brother,
Tim
December 18th, 2009 (4:49am)
Well, I'm finally home, some questions answered about the future and some not. As I sit her beside the blazing Christmas tree, home never looked so good.
Amy went out to Kohl's and bought me some new pants as I’m now to skinny to wear the old ones I’m taking that to represent this new chapter in my life where I can no longer fit into life the way I used to. I'm a new man with a new shape, a new man who has an appreciation for a new life; a new purpose a new vision a new mission; a mission to tell the world about a Savior born to them so long ago that longs for them to be free. He's passionate about it and won't stop until they grasp it. The story must be told by me and any one else who will sing the song.
Your brother and friend,
Tim
Amy went out to Kohl's and bought me some new pants as I’m now to skinny to wear the old ones I’m taking that to represent this new chapter in my life where I can no longer fit into life the way I used to. I'm a new man with a new shape, a new man who has an appreciation for a new life; a new purpose a new vision a new mission; a mission to tell the world about a Savior born to them so long ago that longs for them to be free. He's passionate about it and won't stop until they grasp it. The story must be told by me and any one else who will sing the song.
Your brother and friend,
Tim
December 16th, 2009 (4:37am)
The celebrating has begun!
The Spirit of the Sovereign Lord is upon us to preach the good news to all countries. All peoples, nations, sing for joy.
In the night I went to sleep listening to worship music. In the middle of the night I was awakened by a servant of God dressed as a nurse to draw my blood to test my sugars. I heard the Lord say I will declare the beauty of the Lord, say it to her. I couldn't articulate it in time before she left in the dark. Perhaps I'll have a chance in the morning. Another nurse named Nancy is serving me in the night now, and she asks me what I'm reading I say I’m writing about her, and call her a servant of Lord.
As I sit in the dark beside the blazing Christmas tree that some sweet friends brought to me as requested, I am reminded that Jesus is the greatest desire, our greatest song and He should never be taken lightly.
Tim
The Spirit of the Sovereign Lord is upon us to preach the good news to all countries. All peoples, nations, sing for joy.
In the night I went to sleep listening to worship music. In the middle of the night I was awakened by a servant of God dressed as a nurse to draw my blood to test my sugars. I heard the Lord say I will declare the beauty of the Lord, say it to her. I couldn't articulate it in time before she left in the dark. Perhaps I'll have a chance in the morning. Another nurse named Nancy is serving me in the night now, and she asks me what I'm reading I say I’m writing about her, and call her a servant of Lord.
As I sit in the dark beside the blazing Christmas tree that some sweet friends brought to me as requested, I am reminded that Jesus is the greatest desire, our greatest song and He should never be taken lightly.
Tim
December 15, 2009 (5:06am)
Nourishment. I never wanted water more. After surgery I woke up with a jolt staring up at the faces of my surgical team yelling, "Tim! Tim!".
I was disoriented for moments coughing, struggling for breath after having been paralyzed, anesthetized and having my brain traumatized by the surgeon's necessary knife. Struggling to communicate with Janice and Amy, I just wanted them to talk and me listen, just listen.
Nourishment. Sweet joy!
Heaven breaking out all over! God being praised! Never before have I seen anything like it. The nourishment of heaven's food and water being poured out on many! As blueberry yogurt was being hastily and hungrily consumed never tasting better, nothing tasted like it ever before!
People praying in the chapel downstairs, a picture of the church in action. Prayer, surgery, new beginnings, hunger satisfied, nourishment and healed.
I must rest now.
Your friend and brother,
Tim
I was disoriented for moments coughing, struggling for breath after having been paralyzed, anesthetized and having my brain traumatized by the surgeon's necessary knife. Struggling to communicate with Janice and Amy, I just wanted them to talk and me listen, just listen.
Nourishment. Sweet joy!
Heaven breaking out all over! God being praised! Never before have I seen anything like it. The nourishment of heaven's food and water being poured out on many! As blueberry yogurt was being hastily and hungrily consumed never tasting better, nothing tasted like it ever before!
People praying in the chapel downstairs, a picture of the church in action. Prayer, surgery, new beginnings, hunger satisfied, nourishment and healed.
I must rest now.
Your friend and brother,
Tim
December 14, 2009
This morning breaks with anticipation!
It's just after 1:00 am, the Christmas Tree and fire blazes beside me with strains of the song "I’m on my way back home", being sung in my ears.
I'm not sure what to think about that as within 12 hours, skilled surgeons will cut a hole in my head, and peer deeply into what is going on in there. These servants of God will make decisions on the fly that will effect how, or if, the future delivery of this glorious message will be carried by my life or others in my stead.
Not really my life but His, a man that is now not only fully healed and alive, but more importantly fully His.
Yesterday was the best day ever! It began with rejoicing and celebrating with my King at midnight, downloading to who I now understand myself to be, his delivery boy, wheelbarrow dumper and messenger.
A small cat nap about 4:00 am, followed by the clearest vision I've had thus far about a story of my life that had to, but had never had been told, except in my mind countless times. The story was now critical to the completion of this experience.
As I stood in the shower, I felt demon's shriek and Hell retreat at what was about to happen at its revelation and the eventual application of what was being told to me. I'm still listening to the Father about what form this is supposed to take in light of the next chapter in which God will reveal my part in its completion. Whether it's me or someone else in which the details of what occurred have been entrusted, the importance of what was told me and what to do while standing in the shower, will be carried out... people freed, Hell standing exposed and shuddering, Heaven populated. Incredible!
My beautiful daughter, Amy, who is so deep, is sleeping upstairs waiting to accompany me in 6 hours to what she referred to as we went to bed last night as, “the next chapter.”
Only God knows it's content, and I'm so excited about seeing His plan unfold in the lives and hearts of the broken and wounded in America and beyond as they are healed by the Only One who can pull out the jagged arrows of pain inflicted by the hated forces of darkness who meant to steal, kill and destroy the beauty of their lives.
Millions being healed by the salve of Heaven, becoming fully alive, as I have in past few days, and changing the lives of all they touch by dumping their own wheelbarrows just as I have had the privilege of doing.
When I awoke a few minutes ago, my eyes sprung open with the thought of cold Gatorade being tasted in my mouth, impossible since I cannot drink anything until after the surgery, save what was required to take a few pills in the morning.
But I think my King wanted to say something deeper and important as to how we are to sustain the power of the journey.
We need cold, fresh nourishment from His throne all the time, replacing what was diminished by the pouring out each day the mighty work of the Kingdom.
Simple, hardly rocket science, yet so often forgotten in the journey of Kingdom effectiveness; true, eternity changing, effectiveness.
I love what God is doing in my life and what the future holds, whether I get to be a continuing part of how it plays out this side of Heaven, or not.
I only thank Him for including me in His glorious presence and allowing me a glimpse into His great beating, loving heart and His unstoppable rescue of those he has loved since the foundations of the world.
I've got to get to bed, the most exciting day of my life is about to begin!
Your friend and brother,
Tim
It's just after 1:00 am, the Christmas Tree and fire blazes beside me with strains of the song "I’m on my way back home", being sung in my ears.
I'm not sure what to think about that as within 12 hours, skilled surgeons will cut a hole in my head, and peer deeply into what is going on in there. These servants of God will make decisions on the fly that will effect how, or if, the future delivery of this glorious message will be carried by my life or others in my stead.
Not really my life but His, a man that is now not only fully healed and alive, but more importantly fully His.
Yesterday was the best day ever! It began with rejoicing and celebrating with my King at midnight, downloading to who I now understand myself to be, his delivery boy, wheelbarrow dumper and messenger.
A small cat nap about 4:00 am, followed by the clearest vision I've had thus far about a story of my life that had to, but had never had been told, except in my mind countless times. The story was now critical to the completion of this experience.
As I stood in the shower, I felt demon's shriek and Hell retreat at what was about to happen at its revelation and the eventual application of what was being told to me. I'm still listening to the Father about what form this is supposed to take in light of the next chapter in which God will reveal my part in its completion. Whether it's me or someone else in which the details of what occurred have been entrusted, the importance of what was told me and what to do while standing in the shower, will be carried out... people freed, Hell standing exposed and shuddering, Heaven populated. Incredible!
My beautiful daughter, Amy, who is so deep, is sleeping upstairs waiting to accompany me in 6 hours to what she referred to as we went to bed last night as, “the next chapter.”
Only God knows it's content, and I'm so excited about seeing His plan unfold in the lives and hearts of the broken and wounded in America and beyond as they are healed by the Only One who can pull out the jagged arrows of pain inflicted by the hated forces of darkness who meant to steal, kill and destroy the beauty of their lives.
Millions being healed by the salve of Heaven, becoming fully alive, as I have in past few days, and changing the lives of all they touch by dumping their own wheelbarrows just as I have had the privilege of doing.
When I awoke a few minutes ago, my eyes sprung open with the thought of cold Gatorade being tasted in my mouth, impossible since I cannot drink anything until after the surgery, save what was required to take a few pills in the morning.
But I think my King wanted to say something deeper and important as to how we are to sustain the power of the journey.
We need cold, fresh nourishment from His throne all the time, replacing what was diminished by the pouring out each day the mighty work of the Kingdom.
Simple, hardly rocket science, yet so often forgotten in the journey of Kingdom effectiveness; true, eternity changing, effectiveness.
I love what God is doing in my life and what the future holds, whether I get to be a continuing part of how it plays out this side of Heaven, or not.
I only thank Him for including me in His glorious presence and allowing me a glimpse into His great beating, loving heart and His unstoppable rescue of those he has loved since the foundations of the world.
I've got to get to bed, the most exciting day of my life is about to begin!
Your friend and brother,
Tim
December 13, 2009 (1:44am)
"The Sum"
Thoughts are coming fast now. It seems somehow appropriate my clock reads 11.59 pm (Saturday) as I sit in the rejoicing chair with only my fire, the companionable light from my phone and the Christmas tree blazing as the only lights illuminating the room. The music streaming through the headphones shouts, "Jesus you are good, You are good and I will shout it from the rooftops, I was blind but now I see and your love will go forever." The Sum.
At the end of it all, time, space, everything known and unknown, the midnight hour, stands Jesus and the whole earth is full of His glory, to join with the angels in the song of heaven to Him. It's where it ends, the summing up of everything, the blazing Tree of Life from which flows life from the very foundations of eternity.
My life, it appears has always been pointed in this direction, for this moment in time, always, and I was mostly unaware. His song was being sung around me always but only occasionally listening and dancing or echoing it's glorious strains through my voice to a thirsty world. Why has it taken me so long? Why at 54, has he chosen to reveal it to me at this moment in time, in this way? Why has He given me this particular access to heaven's throne room? I think it's because...He Just Loves Me and Everyone who will dance to the song of Heaven. He wants me to know. He wants everyone to know; to break through the crusty shell of our brokenness and woundedness; to redeem lives being wasted by the lies, thirst and emptiness of wandering in the desert.
Lives which have been promised riches only to find poverty. Instead, in their place, stands the glorious promise of Jesus the Redeemer. “The Sum.”
Slower words come now.
Yesterday, as the day drew to close, I sat along with my children and grandchildren around the fire listening to Kaitlyn play her newly discovered clarinet, eating pistachios and singing Christmas carols. Life.
(Faster now, The music of the moment says "I will Declare the beauty of the Lord, nothing compares to the beauty of the Lord, Jesus You take my breath away, now I'm living for the beauty of the lord.)
This is my quest, my life, my future.
My life has suddenly, in a moment, become simple. Love God with all my heart, soul, mind and strength and love people. Sharp contrast to the former way of life.
I've been given by His grace a great second chance, a do over.
It was never a tumor it was an opportunity, the redemption of a man's life...mine.
I am seizing the opportunity with all my heart and all the passion God will pour out on my life and whatever moments He allows according to His gracious plan. I will shout it from the rooftops, in whatever forum small or large He wants.
Today is the end of something and the beginning of something far, far better. I don't see it with clarity but I don't need to because I know that He knows. I am safe in His arms, healed and confident. Any man, woman or young person so prepared becomes an unstoppable force on behalf of Heaven.
In a few hours, my family will do something we've never done. Something simple and good. For almost 30 years I have been at my place at church where I've found love, beauty, acceptance and purpose. Today instead we will feast at the Blue Mesa Grill for brunch to celebrate the goodness of the Lord and this blessed miracle He has allowed me to have a front row seat to witness and to be an active participant. Afterwards we will dance and stroll and play together in the Botanic Gardens in Fort Worth , arm in arm just living, enjoying the newness of life given me, overflowing to them and beyond. I'm smiling.
Amazing. Joy unrestrained. Beauty.
Lead On Majestic One, I will Follow.
Your friend and brother,
Tim
Thoughts are coming fast now. It seems somehow appropriate my clock reads 11.59 pm (Saturday) as I sit in the rejoicing chair with only my fire, the companionable light from my phone and the Christmas tree blazing as the only lights illuminating the room. The music streaming through the headphones shouts, "Jesus you are good, You are good and I will shout it from the rooftops, I was blind but now I see and your love will go forever." The Sum.
At the end of it all, time, space, everything known and unknown, the midnight hour, stands Jesus and the whole earth is full of His glory, to join with the angels in the song of heaven to Him. It's where it ends, the summing up of everything, the blazing Tree of Life from which flows life from the very foundations of eternity.
My life, it appears has always been pointed in this direction, for this moment in time, always, and I was mostly unaware. His song was being sung around me always but only occasionally listening and dancing or echoing it's glorious strains through my voice to a thirsty world. Why has it taken me so long? Why at 54, has he chosen to reveal it to me at this moment in time, in this way? Why has He given me this particular access to heaven's throne room? I think it's because...He Just Loves Me and Everyone who will dance to the song of Heaven. He wants me to know. He wants everyone to know; to break through the crusty shell of our brokenness and woundedness; to redeem lives being wasted by the lies, thirst and emptiness of wandering in the desert.
Lives which have been promised riches only to find poverty. Instead, in their place, stands the glorious promise of Jesus the Redeemer. “The Sum.”
Slower words come now.
Yesterday, as the day drew to close, I sat along with my children and grandchildren around the fire listening to Kaitlyn play her newly discovered clarinet, eating pistachios and singing Christmas carols. Life.
(Faster now, The music of the moment says "I will Declare the beauty of the Lord, nothing compares to the beauty of the Lord, Jesus You take my breath away, now I'm living for the beauty of the lord.)
This is my quest, my life, my future.
My life has suddenly, in a moment, become simple. Love God with all my heart, soul, mind and strength and love people. Sharp contrast to the former way of life.
I've been given by His grace a great second chance, a do over.
It was never a tumor it was an opportunity, the redemption of a man's life...mine.
I am seizing the opportunity with all my heart and all the passion God will pour out on my life and whatever moments He allows according to His gracious plan. I will shout it from the rooftops, in whatever forum small or large He wants.
Today is the end of something and the beginning of something far, far better. I don't see it with clarity but I don't need to because I know that He knows. I am safe in His arms, healed and confident. Any man, woman or young person so prepared becomes an unstoppable force on behalf of Heaven.
In a few hours, my family will do something we've never done. Something simple and good. For almost 30 years I have been at my place at church where I've found love, beauty, acceptance and purpose. Today instead we will feast at the Blue Mesa Grill for brunch to celebrate the goodness of the Lord and this blessed miracle He has allowed me to have a front row seat to witness and to be an active participant. Afterwards we will dance and stroll and play together in the Botanic Gardens in Fort Worth , arm in arm just living, enjoying the newness of life given me, overflowing to them and beyond. I'm smiling.
Amazing. Joy unrestrained. Beauty.
Lead On Majestic One, I will Follow.
Your friend and brother,
Tim
December 12, 2009 (6:54am)
Saturday,, As this beautiful weekend stretches before me with 48 glorious hours to enjoy with my family. I look expectantly toward next week although I do not know what it may hold in afterwards. I want you to know that it has been the great joy of my life to know Jesus and his friendship for almost all my life finally walking in personal relationship with Him for almost 30 years and in the last 2 weeks fully alive in Him. My family has been amazing and I'm truly proud of each of them and confident if their course in life. Janice has always been the love of my life, in many ways far stronger than I even in her loving subordination so that I might shine as brightly as God would allow.
My friends and the Body if Christ have been shining examples if what can be and has always existed in the mind of the Father. You've shown me in these days the beauty and strength that the world is thirsty for. My confidence is in the strong arms my King. My friend Keith Wilkerson taught me an important lesson he learned as a young physician. A man cannot live beyond the days ordained for him nor can he die before. I took those words to heart many years ago and have lived my life in the truth of it.
Whatever next week holds, after this glorious 48 hours, I am certain of my future in My friend Jesus, the rescuer of my life and keeper of my eternal destiny. He has never disappointed me or ever failed to be my rock, shield and defender. I want each of you to know how much I love you and look expectantly toward whatever the future holds.
Your friend and brother,
Tim
My friends and the Body if Christ have been shining examples if what can be and has always existed in the mind of the Father. You've shown me in these days the beauty and strength that the world is thirsty for. My confidence is in the strong arms my King. My friend Keith Wilkerson taught me an important lesson he learned as a young physician. A man cannot live beyond the days ordained for him nor can he die before. I took those words to heart many years ago and have lived my life in the truth of it.
Whatever next week holds, after this glorious 48 hours, I am certain of my future in My friend Jesus, the rescuer of my life and keeper of my eternal destiny. He has never disappointed me or ever failed to be my rock, shield and defender. I want each of you to know how much I love you and look expectantly toward whatever the future holds.
Your friend and brother,
Tim
December 12, 2009 (6:04am)
It's still early and I’m waiting on the Lord. He's told me of my error. I must be filled before I pour. 2 weeks ago I settled for drops of Heavens input and tried to pour. It didn't work. Instead, now I must wait upon the Lord allowing Him to fill me up to overflowing and then go pour. My error was trying to pour from an essentially empty cup which left me tired and weary.
I'm now asking the Lord how to arrange my daily life that I can first be filled up and pour. Since I've become nocturnal I have such rich fellowship for hours with Him for hours but run out of gas during the day when I must touch people With His living water. He will tell me what to do and how to do it. I would love it if these nocturnal patterns will continue without setting my alarm for the rest of my life. Perhaps the answer lies in how my days are ordered, nights with my God and periodic naps and rest during the daytime hours. We'll see as the Lord reveals what I am supposed to do. I do think that there is a right way to do this and it must be discerned by not just me but by anyone who is listening to me.
Your brother,
Tim
I'm now asking the Lord how to arrange my daily life that I can first be filled up and pour. Since I've become nocturnal I have such rich fellowship for hours with Him for hours but run out of gas during the day when I must touch people With His living water. He will tell me what to do and how to do it. I would love it if these nocturnal patterns will continue without setting my alarm for the rest of my life. Perhaps the answer lies in how my days are ordered, nights with my God and periodic naps and rest during the daytime hours. We'll see as the Lord reveals what I am supposed to do. I do think that there is a right way to do this and it must be discerned by not just me but by anyone who is listening to me.
Your brother,
Tim
December 12, 2009 (2:00am)
It's 2:00 am as I sit beside the Christmas tree and fire in what became my crying chair. The chair seems to now to have in one day become more of the rejoicing chair.
After yesterday, experiences of heavens explosions, first in the Christmas Revelation of being one messenger of this white hot love of the Father followed by a day of release into my small corner of the world allowed me a window into amazing possibility.
I am still just trying to walk one step at a time my ear to God’s beautiful beating heart and my eye on the thirsty people he allows me the privilege of extending his cup of love.
I walk slower these days. That seems to be one of the incredibly good blessings that has come from this time and will be continuing as part of how to hear and sustain this free flowing exchange from Him to me. It has allowed both the opportunity to hear His voice and to truly see the dear ones who stand before me in everyday life like sponges, thirsty yet having no idea as to where or who can quench the thirst they feel so intensely in their life.
The slower I am, it appears, the more effective I have become. Yesterday (Friday) was an amazing day to walk in the idea of "Lead On, Majestic One". First having been healed, I have with a continual smile on my lips. Yesterday I saw how powerful this small device of heaven’s arsenal can operate, as it seems to open the door to speak into a weary and hurting heart to deliver the message of God's marvelous healing balm.
It started with my beautiful wife Janice. This time of apparent affliction to the world has proven itself the most life giving experience I have ever had. Our intimacy as husband and wife has gone from great to exponentially grand. In virtually every way I have become more the man she has always needed. I smile at her as she glides across the room getting my medicine countless other ways of serving me, I smile and affirm her beauty and strength and how much I love her, she comes alive.
My family has been irrevocably changed by this experience. My wonderful gentle, strong daughters have been awakened as I have in the beauty of the smile and affirming afterglow of this experience. Amy came yesterday at my invitation just to lay in my arms by the fire. As she lay there in my arms looking at a new family portrait hanging above the mantle she saw and observed such rich meanings captured on film, transferred to canvas. Clearly God's thoughts brought to her mind communicated to me in that beautiful father/daughter moment on the sofa; strength emerging. This Sunday, we will spend rejoicing with each other before next weeks unknown, yet known, experience following surgery will be spent together eating from the Fathers table with each other and strolling through the Botanic Gardens arm in arm, 3 generations of strength armed with the beauty and smiles a man fully healed. Lead on King Jesus!
As these thoughts have flowed this morning, I have sensed a transition from one phase to another although it's difficult to know where exactly I am in the process. It's not particularly important that I know because I know that the Great Captain of my soul and destiny knows. He steers my course with a strong hand on my course and my role is simply to respond to his touch and skillful guidance.
The stories from walking according to this way slowly, listening to heaven, smiling and looking into the eyes of the weary are to numerous to mention as my eyes begin to blur at the page, my sight has never been clearer. I will only mention their names as they flash across my recent memory. Joe who welcomed me so graciously opened my door at Zale Lip shy and to his eyes of appreciation as I genially took the time thank him for what I saw in his humble act of service towards me; each nurse that attended me from filling out forms to drawing blood from my veins, each with a name and face deeply loved by the Father. There was Daphnia and Beth, beautiful sponges soaking up the words of appreciation and affirmation offered by a son of heaven towards them.
Mandy who stopped and entered into the moment as I prayed over the phone with a friend in the middle of filling out paperwork, heaven strength on display Joseph, one of my attending surgeons whose middle name is Emanuel, "God With Us" having his skill gratefully acknowledged as a servant of God in this moment where his beautiful life intersects mine.
I have come to see myself and anyone who will follow these thoughts as merely wheelbarrows of Heaven. Fill me up My King with your love and then I will pour it out where you show me.
Incredible and freeing simplicity.
Lead On King Jesus!
Your brother and friend,
Tim
After yesterday, experiences of heavens explosions, first in the Christmas Revelation of being one messenger of this white hot love of the Father followed by a day of release into my small corner of the world allowed me a window into amazing possibility.
I am still just trying to walk one step at a time my ear to God’s beautiful beating heart and my eye on the thirsty people he allows me the privilege of extending his cup of love.
I walk slower these days. That seems to be one of the incredibly good blessings that has come from this time and will be continuing as part of how to hear and sustain this free flowing exchange from Him to me. It has allowed both the opportunity to hear His voice and to truly see the dear ones who stand before me in everyday life like sponges, thirsty yet having no idea as to where or who can quench the thirst they feel so intensely in their life.
The slower I am, it appears, the more effective I have become. Yesterday (Friday) was an amazing day to walk in the idea of "Lead On, Majestic One". First having been healed, I have with a continual smile on my lips. Yesterday I saw how powerful this small device of heaven’s arsenal can operate, as it seems to open the door to speak into a weary and hurting heart to deliver the message of God's marvelous healing balm.
It started with my beautiful wife Janice. This time of apparent affliction to the world has proven itself the most life giving experience I have ever had. Our intimacy as husband and wife has gone from great to exponentially grand. In virtually every way I have become more the man she has always needed. I smile at her as she glides across the room getting my medicine countless other ways of serving me, I smile and affirm her beauty and strength and how much I love her, she comes alive.
My family has been irrevocably changed by this experience. My wonderful gentle, strong daughters have been awakened as I have in the beauty of the smile and affirming afterglow of this experience. Amy came yesterday at my invitation just to lay in my arms by the fire. As she lay there in my arms looking at a new family portrait hanging above the mantle she saw and observed such rich meanings captured on film, transferred to canvas. Clearly God's thoughts brought to her mind communicated to me in that beautiful father/daughter moment on the sofa; strength emerging. This Sunday, we will spend rejoicing with each other before next weeks unknown, yet known, experience following surgery will be spent together eating from the Fathers table with each other and strolling through the Botanic Gardens arm in arm, 3 generations of strength armed with the beauty and smiles a man fully healed. Lead on King Jesus!
As these thoughts have flowed this morning, I have sensed a transition from one phase to another although it's difficult to know where exactly I am in the process. It's not particularly important that I know because I know that the Great Captain of my soul and destiny knows. He steers my course with a strong hand on my course and my role is simply to respond to his touch and skillful guidance.
The stories from walking according to this way slowly, listening to heaven, smiling and looking into the eyes of the weary are to numerous to mention as my eyes begin to blur at the page, my sight has never been clearer. I will only mention their names as they flash across my recent memory. Joe who welcomed me so graciously opened my door at Zale Lip shy and to his eyes of appreciation as I genially took the time thank him for what I saw in his humble act of service towards me; each nurse that attended me from filling out forms to drawing blood from my veins, each with a name and face deeply loved by the Father. There was Daphnia and Beth, beautiful sponges soaking up the words of appreciation and affirmation offered by a son of heaven towards them.
Mandy who stopped and entered into the moment as I prayed over the phone with a friend in the middle of filling out paperwork, heaven strength on display Joseph, one of my attending surgeons whose middle name is Emanuel, "God With Us" having his skill gratefully acknowledged as a servant of God in this moment where his beautiful life intersects mine.
I have come to see myself and anyone who will follow these thoughts as merely wheelbarrows of Heaven. Fill me up My King with your love and then I will pour it out where you show me.
Incredible and freeing simplicity.
Lead On King Jesus!
Your brother and friend,
Tim
December 11, 2009 (2:40am)
Something remarkable and joyous has occurred. It's 2:00 am and I’ve been asleep for 4 hours straight. Almost purged, having become a new and purer vessel.
Since I was a little boy I have loved Christmas. As I sit here in my crying chair weeping tears if inexpressible joy beside the tree I realize I have been given the special privilege, for this moment, to carry the blessed message of God's great love to the world. However distant these messages have been flung, they have carried on their wings the undying song of Jesus came so long ago, God became man, because His burning heart would not tolerate being apart from me. I needed to be rescued and He would not be stopped until He had me.
I am alive fully in His strong arms after walking the earth for 54 years. He has pursued me, wooed me and captured my heart. I am His and He is mine, forever.
For a brief moment in time I have had the joy of being like Mary, carrying in the deepest part of who I am, the beauty of Jesus to the world. His message is such a privilege to deliver.
I have been given the greatest joy in the last 2 weeks to carry Jesus inside me to deliver Him anew to a new generation of His beloved.
"Behold the bond slave of the Lord; be it done to me according to your Word."...My soul exalts the Lord. And my spirit has rejoiced in God my Savior. For He has had regard the humble state of His bond slave....For the Mighty One has done great things for me; and holy is His name. And His mercy is upon generation after generation toward those who fear Him." Luke 1:38, 46-50
I will never be the same man because of this severe mercy. Whatever the future holds I could never return to the former way of life. I will run with all that is within me to continue to sing the song of Heaven to those who will listen. I'll do it as He gives me days and moments in simplicity wherever He takes me. I'll fall deeper in love with Him every moment and let His love overflow into those in parking lots and marketplaces wherever He leads. Lead on Majestic One, your servant has finally listened.
I love you,
Tim
Since I was a little boy I have loved Christmas. As I sit here in my crying chair weeping tears if inexpressible joy beside the tree I realize I have been given the special privilege, for this moment, to carry the blessed message of God's great love to the world. However distant these messages have been flung, they have carried on their wings the undying song of Jesus came so long ago, God became man, because His burning heart would not tolerate being apart from me. I needed to be rescued and He would not be stopped until He had me.
I am alive fully in His strong arms after walking the earth for 54 years. He has pursued me, wooed me and captured my heart. I am His and He is mine, forever.
For a brief moment in time I have had the joy of being like Mary, carrying in the deepest part of who I am, the beauty of Jesus to the world. His message is such a privilege to deliver.
I have been given the greatest joy in the last 2 weeks to carry Jesus inside me to deliver Him anew to a new generation of His beloved.
"Behold the bond slave of the Lord; be it done to me according to your Word."...My soul exalts the Lord. And my spirit has rejoiced in God my Savior. For He has had regard the humble state of His bond slave....For the Mighty One has done great things for me; and holy is His name. And His mercy is upon generation after generation toward those who fear Him." Luke 1:38, 46-50
I will never be the same man because of this severe mercy. Whatever the future holds I could never return to the former way of life. I will run with all that is within me to continue to sing the song of Heaven to those who will listen. I'll do it as He gives me days and moments in simplicity wherever He takes me. I'll fall deeper in love with Him every moment and let His love overflow into those in parking lots and marketplaces wherever He leads. Lead on Majestic One, your servant has finally listened.
I love you,
Tim
December 10, 2009 (10:30pm)
Dear ones,
God wants you and I to know how much He loves us until we can't take any more. God is showing me the woundedness and burden His beloved creation is wearing and carrying from all the arrows inflicted since they were children. He earnestly wants to pull each arrow out with His revelation of love and place the healing of Heaven on each wound.
He wants to restore what has been stolen with his burning passionate love so that men, women and children are so full of His extravagant love that everything is new and right; healthy, renewed people, full of the knowledge of His smile and satisfaction in them, overflowing through them to the world. The white hot core of the Father's heart pouring out into people that cannot be explained in human terms, only realized and experienced by the personal encounter with the One who knows every hair on every head, those who are known by Him before one of their days came into existence.
A recurring request, "How can I get this into me?" I am still processing before the Lord how to respond as I only know what has happened in my life over the last 2 weeks. It's miraculous and unexplainable, only that it's true! My only answer is God’s promise that if I will seek Him, He will be found.
Tim
God wants you and I to know how much He loves us until we can't take any more. God is showing me the woundedness and burden His beloved creation is wearing and carrying from all the arrows inflicted since they were children. He earnestly wants to pull each arrow out with His revelation of love and place the healing of Heaven on each wound.
He wants to restore what has been stolen with his burning passionate love so that men, women and children are so full of His extravagant love that everything is new and right; healthy, renewed people, full of the knowledge of His smile and satisfaction in them, overflowing through them to the world. The white hot core of the Father's heart pouring out into people that cannot be explained in human terms, only realized and experienced by the personal encounter with the One who knows every hair on every head, those who are known by Him before one of their days came into existence.
A recurring request, "How can I get this into me?" I am still processing before the Lord how to respond as I only know what has happened in my life over the last 2 weeks. It's miraculous and unexplainable, only that it's true! My only answer is God’s promise that if I will seek Him, He will be found.
Tim
December 9, 2009
Good morning friends! I sit here loving each of you more than I ever imagined or experienced in my past. The mercy and beauty of God and the Body of Christ is stunning. It's true! I've been allowed such tender and yet severe mercy at this time in life to witness something quite unique that humans rarely get a chance to experience. I cannot say why I've been given this moment except that God loves me. Amazing.
This morning I weighed myself after showering and tipped the scales at 175 lbs. I've lost 26 lbs since November 2, 2009. I see both my outer man and inner man transforming before my eyes. I see my life peeling through transitions of who I've been through the years back to the years when I stood with innocence as little boy all alone in the Catholic church on cold winter mornings waiting with votive candles blazing and illuminating the room to attend to the Lord. The simplicity is so refreshing and good. During this moment in time, possessing the ability or skill to manage anything but to sit here and thank my God for his beauty and nearness.
My life has become a study in contrasts. I went partially blind as my blood sugar elevated during the early stage of this journey and could not see distance, a picture into my soul. As God helped me the sight was restored as the bad stuff purged from my system. I am this morning reminded of John Newton's "Amazing Grace", once I was blind but now I see.
My only concern is that in absence of trial that this free flow of Heavens joy will stop. May it never be for whatever years I have. I don't want Gods hand nearly as much as I want Him.
Last night, my youngest love and daughter Stacy snuggled in beside me with a cup of hot cocoa to watch a movie, "the Christmas Wish". The theme of the movie was of man who was caught up in building his business while setting aside truly important things, a problem common to me in a previous lifetime, 2 weeks ago. I no longer want to manage my projects but only my Fathers business. With all my strength and time given me on the other side of this I will operate in this resolve. I want to tell the glorious story of Jesus and his great love that people may taste as I have and see that the Lord is good and that in Him is goodness, joy and meaning that the world will never understand.
One last precious story. Standing in a line yesterday at Target, I observed a harried young mother with two very active 5 year old scampering around her. She just stood behind her cart with her head in her hand, bone tired. As the moment was awkward I just watched and had compassion for this young girl. As we made our way to our car I saw her once again, now alone, putting the kids in their car seats. I slowly walked to her and said, "ma'am I saw you in the store, you look tired, may I pray for you?". She looked at me with tired, weary eyes and said "Would you?" as I prayed a fresh wind of heaven to blow across her, I reflected upon how many weary and burdened people I've seen in my life but never really seen and what Jesus sees waiting for me to simply respond with His hand outstretched to them.
Once I was blind but now I see.
I love each of you dear friends.
Your brother,
Tim
This morning I weighed myself after showering and tipped the scales at 175 lbs. I've lost 26 lbs since November 2, 2009. I see both my outer man and inner man transforming before my eyes. I see my life peeling through transitions of who I've been through the years back to the years when I stood with innocence as little boy all alone in the Catholic church on cold winter mornings waiting with votive candles blazing and illuminating the room to attend to the Lord. The simplicity is so refreshing and good. During this moment in time, possessing the ability or skill to manage anything but to sit here and thank my God for his beauty and nearness.
My life has become a study in contrasts. I went partially blind as my blood sugar elevated during the early stage of this journey and could not see distance, a picture into my soul. As God helped me the sight was restored as the bad stuff purged from my system. I am this morning reminded of John Newton's "Amazing Grace", once I was blind but now I see.
My only concern is that in absence of trial that this free flow of Heavens joy will stop. May it never be for whatever years I have. I don't want Gods hand nearly as much as I want Him.
Last night, my youngest love and daughter Stacy snuggled in beside me with a cup of hot cocoa to watch a movie, "the Christmas Wish". The theme of the movie was of man who was caught up in building his business while setting aside truly important things, a problem common to me in a previous lifetime, 2 weeks ago. I no longer want to manage my projects but only my Fathers business. With all my strength and time given me on the other side of this I will operate in this resolve. I want to tell the glorious story of Jesus and his great love that people may taste as I have and see that the Lord is good and that in Him is goodness, joy and meaning that the world will never understand.
One last precious story. Standing in a line yesterday at Target, I observed a harried young mother with two very active 5 year old scampering around her. She just stood behind her cart with her head in her hand, bone tired. As the moment was awkward I just watched and had compassion for this young girl. As we made our way to our car I saw her once again, now alone, putting the kids in their car seats. I slowly walked to her and said, "ma'am I saw you in the store, you look tired, may I pray for you?". She looked at me with tired, weary eyes and said "Would you?" as I prayed a fresh wind of heaven to blow across her, I reflected upon how many weary and burdened people I've seen in my life but never really seen and what Jesus sees waiting for me to simply respond with His hand outstretched to them.
Once I was blind but now I see.
I love each of you dear friends.
Your brother,
Tim
December 8, 2009
Dear ones,
I scarcely know where to begin as God's heart has been pouring into me faster and deeper than I can keep up. I'm not sure what pieces are for me alone or for others. All through the night two words raced through my brain, humility and obedience. When I awoke this morning, I went into Janice to tell her how much I love her she said good morning sweetheart and told me she was still sleepy I said that's alright, I have work to do and I realized that my work was waiting for me before the throne of God just through my bedroom door. The physical uncertainty of the future sits beside the certainty of God's purposes for my life.
I'm learning a lot through our little dog Abbey. This morning when I let her out of her room I asked her if she wanted to eat. She just looked at me and I told her that I was going to give her food anyway. God is doing the same with me, He's feeding me whether I was ready or not, and the food is so good.
The tumor or wherever it is in reality has been my opportunity. Never before in my life have I experienced such a flood of love from God, it's overwhelming. His word leaps off the page with deep meaning. I wept this morning over Jesus conversation with the woman at the well who had been drinking water all her life that never satisfied her and yet Jesus said I've got some water that you don't know that I'd like to quench your deeper thirst in your soul. If you drink it you'll never thirst again and it will spring up in you wells of Living water. My tears came because of all the pointless unsatisfying water that I've consumed over my life that never satisfied and yet Jesus was holding out the cup if I would take it that I am drinking from today. It was always there and I was to busy to take it from his hand. No more. By God's grace and power I'll drink of it from this day forward as God gives me life and breath. I feel like Jimmy Stewart in "It's a Wonderful Life" not saying "please God let me live" because I don't care, my confidence is in the beauty of His sovereign care. But my cry is "thank you father for the revelation of your beauty and the opportunity now that you've given me whether in life, death or whatever new beautiful circumstances or changes I find myself in. Everything has changed, I'm alive from the inside out! I love you all so much. I'm exploding!
Your friend and brother,
Tim
I scarcely know where to begin as God's heart has been pouring into me faster and deeper than I can keep up. I'm not sure what pieces are for me alone or for others. All through the night two words raced through my brain, humility and obedience. When I awoke this morning, I went into Janice to tell her how much I love her she said good morning sweetheart and told me she was still sleepy I said that's alright, I have work to do and I realized that my work was waiting for me before the throne of God just through my bedroom door. The physical uncertainty of the future sits beside the certainty of God's purposes for my life.
I'm learning a lot through our little dog Abbey. This morning when I let her out of her room I asked her if she wanted to eat. She just looked at me and I told her that I was going to give her food anyway. God is doing the same with me, He's feeding me whether I was ready or not, and the food is so good.
The tumor or wherever it is in reality has been my opportunity. Never before in my life have I experienced such a flood of love from God, it's overwhelming. His word leaps off the page with deep meaning. I wept this morning over Jesus conversation with the woman at the well who had been drinking water all her life that never satisfied her and yet Jesus said I've got some water that you don't know that I'd like to quench your deeper thirst in your soul. If you drink it you'll never thirst again and it will spring up in you wells of Living water. My tears came because of all the pointless unsatisfying water that I've consumed over my life that never satisfied and yet Jesus was holding out the cup if I would take it that I am drinking from today. It was always there and I was to busy to take it from his hand. No more. By God's grace and power I'll drink of it from this day forward as God gives me life and breath. I feel like Jimmy Stewart in "It's a Wonderful Life" not saying "please God let me live" because I don't care, my confidence is in the beauty of His sovereign care. But my cry is "thank you father for the revelation of your beauty and the opportunity now that you've given me whether in life, death or whatever new beautiful circumstances or changes I find myself in. Everything has changed, I'm alive from the inside out! I love you all so much. I'm exploding!
Your friend and brother,
Tim
December 4, 2009
Blessings to all our wonderful friends and brothers and sisters in Christ. We can’t begin to tell you how touched we were by the prayer service for Tim on Wednesday night. It was very humbling and encouraging. We know that God is hearing those prayers as we aren’t fearful, concerned yes, but for me not to be fearful is a very big thing so I know it is God and all of you praying for us.
We had a full day at UT Southwestern in Dallas today. Everything that happened was so beyond our expectations. One of the top neurosurgeons in the country has agreed to do the surgery – if the tumor is still there (keep praying that it will be gone) and his next best surgeon will also be involved to do the computer imaging. They both felt it is too risky to remove the full tumor as the chance for permanent paralysis of his right side is to great. They had already set up an appointment with a neuro oncologist at UT and she will be doing a scan with a high tech MRI (only 3 in the US) that will assist them in surgery and then follow up with chemo and radiation. God opened the doors for us to have the best of the best in both fields at a premier hospital. We had a chance to pray for 3 of them today and to share how blessed we are to have so many people praying for us. They agreed, as Debbie Roberts said, “they are the glove but God is the hand!” We are not sure yet if surgery will be next week but they are getting it scheduled as soon as possible.
Our daughters, Amy and Stacy, were able to be with us at the meetings and they were encouraged too by the quality of the doctors. Skip Jones blessed us as a chauffer-he was great!!!
Please pray too for Tim’s blood sugar and blood pressure to come down. Both are very high due to the steroids they have put him on and we think that is what is causing his vision problems etc.
Several other families at church are also dealing with very serious issues so pray that God will be doing some great healing works!!!
Trusting in Him and loving you all,
Janice and Tim
We had a full day at UT Southwestern in Dallas today. Everything that happened was so beyond our expectations. One of the top neurosurgeons in the country has agreed to do the surgery – if the tumor is still there (keep praying that it will be gone) and his next best surgeon will also be involved to do the computer imaging. They both felt it is too risky to remove the full tumor as the chance for permanent paralysis of his right side is to great. They had already set up an appointment with a neuro oncologist at UT and she will be doing a scan with a high tech MRI (only 3 in the US) that will assist them in surgery and then follow up with chemo and radiation. God opened the doors for us to have the best of the best in both fields at a premier hospital. We had a chance to pray for 3 of them today and to share how blessed we are to have so many people praying for us. They agreed, as Debbie Roberts said, “they are the glove but God is the hand!” We are not sure yet if surgery will be next week but they are getting it scheduled as soon as possible.
Our daughters, Amy and Stacy, were able to be with us at the meetings and they were encouraged too by the quality of the doctors. Skip Jones blessed us as a chauffer-he was great!!!
Please pray too for Tim’s blood sugar and blood pressure to come down. Both are very high due to the steroids they have put him on and we think that is what is causing his vision problems etc.
Several other families at church are also dealing with very serious issues so pray that God will be doing some great healing works!!!
Trusting in Him and loving you all,
Janice and Tim
Message to Grace Staff: November 27, 2009
Hello all!
I'm sorry to have to tell you about this as I'd rather sit with each of you personally and will as time permits. But I love you all and tears come as I type. About two months ago I started to notice that things weren't working right on my right side, I would stumble occasionally and drop things. My driving foot wouldn't press the brake or accelerator properly and would brake suddenly or slowly. I chalked it up to perhaps a pinched nerve or something simple. Last week I met with both a chiropractor as well as Keith, both noticed significant weakness in my leg and diminished motor skills Keith scheduled an MRI which I had the day before Thanksgiving which revealed a probable brain tumor about an inch big on the left side of my brain. It is hemorrhaging a bit and it's pressing on the part of my brain that affects the motor skills on my right side. It's also possible that it's an infectious mass I picked up in Africa. I'll know more next week as a host of neurosurgeons have look. I think next week will be a primarily diagnostic time and a battle plan laid out both spiritually and medically. After the initial shock all my kids were coming over for the holidays in the evening and it was pretty hard to tell them both for me and for them. I spent most of what should have been an enjoyable night just holding them as they cried. Thanksgiving morning I woke up rested with afresh perspective from the Lord. He seemed to tell me that how a person lives through adversity is more important than bow they live a normal life. It's is a testimony of what they truly believe and have taught others throughout their life. Is it true or not. Is Jesus truly enough?
I remembered a few scriptures that I told my family about that morning as the Lord brought them to mind. First was James 1:2-3 to somehow consider the trial joy based upon how God is transforming and conforming through this thing. The second was 1 Peter 4 that those who suffer in the flesh are finished with sin. In my case, the apathy of living more in the present than with an eye towards the more important day. Also I'm cognizant of all the people that the Lord
has given me through the years to influence both family and the Body. I want whatever comes next to show them that everything about Jesus is true as best I can as He gives me strength.
This morning I'm feeling some progressive weakness and know things are moving fast. I know some things are going to be have to rearranged while this is dealt with and will work hard to make the best calls I know how with all the capable leaders in my areas. I love you all and either I or Janice will keep you up to speed as best as possible.
Your brother and friend,
Tim
I'm sorry to have to tell you about this as I'd rather sit with each of you personally and will as time permits. But I love you all and tears come as I type. About two months ago I started to notice that things weren't working right on my right side, I would stumble occasionally and drop things. My driving foot wouldn't press the brake or accelerator properly and would brake suddenly or slowly. I chalked it up to perhaps a pinched nerve or something simple. Last week I met with both a chiropractor as well as Keith, both noticed significant weakness in my leg and diminished motor skills Keith scheduled an MRI which I had the day before Thanksgiving which revealed a probable brain tumor about an inch big on the left side of my brain. It is hemorrhaging a bit and it's pressing on the part of my brain that affects the motor skills on my right side. It's also possible that it's an infectious mass I picked up in Africa. I'll know more next week as a host of neurosurgeons have look. I think next week will be a primarily diagnostic time and a battle plan laid out both spiritually and medically. After the initial shock all my kids were coming over for the holidays in the evening and it was pretty hard to tell them both for me and for them. I spent most of what should have been an enjoyable night just holding them as they cried. Thanksgiving morning I woke up rested with afresh perspective from the Lord. He seemed to tell me that how a person lives through adversity is more important than bow they live a normal life. It's is a testimony of what they truly believe and have taught others throughout their life. Is it true or not. Is Jesus truly enough?
I remembered a few scriptures that I told my family about that morning as the Lord brought them to mind. First was James 1:2-3 to somehow consider the trial joy based upon how God is transforming and conforming through this thing. The second was 1 Peter 4 that those who suffer in the flesh are finished with sin. In my case, the apathy of living more in the present than with an eye towards the more important day. Also I'm cognizant of all the people that the Lord
has given me through the years to influence both family and the Body. I want whatever comes next to show them that everything about Jesus is true as best I can as He gives me strength.
This morning I'm feeling some progressive weakness and know things are moving fast. I know some things are going to be have to rearranged while this is dealt with and will work hard to make the best calls I know how with all the capable leaders in my areas. I love you all and either I or Janice will keep you up to speed as best as possible.
Your brother and friend,
Tim
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